Sunday, July 27, 2008
I hate being neurotic. Well, sometimes it's fun and I get wound up and worked up, which can be its own experience. But sometimes it's a pain and I am trapped in my own behavior. Like tonight. Pete and I went to get some ice cream, and I was practically doing a song and dance for him to ensure that he was enjoying himself (he was being a bit moody). He didn't seem to notice my unease, even though I said I was uneasy and worried that he wasn't happy, but that still didn't phase him. His mood improved after a while, but I almost felt exhausted from the effort. Sometimes I think I worry waaaaaaaay too much about what other people think and feel, and whether they're happy or not. When it gets to the point where I can't enjoy myself and I'm not in a good mood because of it, well, that's not healthy. It's something I should strive to control, but I'm not making very much progress. And if I worry about it, I'll start obsessing and being anxious, which is exactly what I'm trying to avoid. Sometimes it's exhausting being me.